I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
