my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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