You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
