Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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