first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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