mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Drunk is a universal language darling
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
