it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
