Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
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Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
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I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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