If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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