I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
