My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
