apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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