whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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