People in love make me want to vomit
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
