i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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