I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
