i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
