I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Vodka?
Forever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
