everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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