I wanna bring you to show and tell
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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