just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
