Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
