And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
