My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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