you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I love how my cats smell like pot.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
