Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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