i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
