and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize