Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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