Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
