So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
