This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
