You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
