FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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