Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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