At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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