i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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