I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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