apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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