Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
there is glitter all over my balls
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