Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize