please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
