u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
