cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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