Do you still have your period?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
