He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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