Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize