Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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