Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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