If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
