So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize