your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
