I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We talked him into tasing himself.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Randomize
