But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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