If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
