she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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