i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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