My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
