Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
