Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
