She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
