I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
