the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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