highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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